yo mama so dumb that she studied for her IQ test

Retro-Active

Two friends go fishing. One of them catches a gold fish, who offers him a present in exchange of her life. “What present?” asks the fisherman. “You choose – great love, a million dollars or great wisdom” “Wisdom” says the fisherman. “Voila” says the gold fish and jumps into the water. Sometime later his friend asks him: “Say something wise.” “Should've taken the money. “

There was a Scottish house painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings. Smokey put in a bid, and because his price was so low, he got the job. So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, buying paint and yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with water... Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint. Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried: "Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?" And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke.. "Repaint! Repaint!* And thin no more!"*

We were at lunch and she told me that her boyfriend's mom and dad refused to let him date her. I said, "Who the hell are they to say anything about what two eighteen year old's do in a relationship! She responded, "Our parents".

During the hernia check she cupped my boys. Instead of "turn your head and cough" she begins yelling at me, "Stop running your fingers through my hair!"

The wheelchair

He nuts and bolts

Shots all around.

Because he was deriving drunk.

"The boy goes home and asks, "Dad, what are bastards and bitches?" And his dad replies, "Bitches are ladies and bastards are gentlemen." Then the boy goes upstairs to see his mom. As he enters the room, he accidentally drops a perfume bottle, and his mom says, "Shit!" "Mom, what is shit?" and she says, "Perfume." So he goes to see his dad (who is carving a chicken), and his dad cuts himself and yells, "Fuck!" The boy asks, "Dad, what does fuck mean?" and dad says "preparing." Then he follows his dad upstairs. A few minutes later his mom and dad are about to have sex when his dad says, "Where are the condoms?" The little boy asks, "What are condoms?" and his father says, "Condoms are coats and jackets." The following night his father invites over some important business clients. The boy opens the door for them and says, "Hello! Please come in, Bastards and bitches. Hang your condoms up here, my mom is upstairs rubbing shit on her face and my dad is downstairs fucking the chicken."